


In Your Arms, I'm Whole

by sonofapollo



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Doubt, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, Self-Discovery, a bit shitty idk, and that good is josh dun, tyler deserves all the good in the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 00:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11264544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofapollo/pseuds/sonofapollo
Summary: Tyler needs a break from the world. Josh wants to make sure he's okay.





	In Your Arms, I'm Whole

**Author's Note:**

> this was a quick thing i wrote on my phone, and it's unedited so there must be some typos or misspelled words here and there. it's also really bad so idk

The problems keep piling up one over the other, in an endless cycle, and Tyler is sick of it.

His parents are being douchebags again (nothing new there), Jenna's been complaining and stressing about their long distance relationship (nothing new there, either), and now one of the crew members is in the hospital. In Tyler's life, everything just gets worse and worse, rather than better and better. Not even sarcastically.

He wants to take all of his anxieties, worries, and problems and stuff them into a box and send it to outer space, in hopes to forget about them and never having to see them again. He wishes he could do that, but it's sadly impossible. But there was something—or rather, someone—who was close to the equivalent of this, and that was Josh Dun.

Tyler found himself in the comfort of his best friend's arms almost every other day of the week. It was in these moments where Tyler could send his problems flying elsewhere. He doesn't know how Josh does it, but he does, and he's thankful for it.

And today, on this particular day, after a very big fight with Jenna, he finds himself in Josh's strong arms again. The heavy hands of the drummer rub soothing circles onto Tyler's back as he cries into the younger's chest.

Josh doesn't say anything, question anything; he remains quiet, and Tyler is grateful for that. He didn't feel like talking about it, at least not yet, he only wanted to he held by the other man for as long as possible. And maybe, for eternity.

\- • -

Tyler finally comes down after an hour, and all Josh does is wipe the tears away from his cheeks with his thumbs and offer him a kind, warm smile, that only the Josh Dun could have.

"Thank you," he whispers, his voice raspy and low. Josh nods and replies with, "You don't have to thank me, you know I'm always here for you, no matter what." He kissed Tyler's forehead and gave him that big warm smile again, and Tyler felt his heart beating a lot faster and a lot harder against his frail ribcage.

Tyler nodded slowly, and managed a smile. He tried calming down his heart, but he found out he couldn't with Josh still present.

\- • -

Three weeks later and another breakdown makes its way into Tyler's life. It doesn't even care to knock on the door of his tour bus or ask if he can open the curtain to his bunk bed, it doesn't give a shit about his privacy or what he's doing, it just wants to ruin him.

The breakdown just waltz's in suddenly while he's on the phone, texting his brother, and starts fucking with Tyler until he feels like he isn't worth much anymore. That maybe he deserves to feel this way. To have his lungs collapsing against his poor, weak bones; to have his breathing become more scarce and ragged; to have your heart pounding so powerfully that you feel all over your body; to have sobs stuck inside your throat, choking you even further. And the breakdown doesn't stop there. It keeps its iron grip around Tyler, refusing to let go of him. It spreads anxiety, panic, fear, worry, sadness—everything awful onto him like a disease.

And Josh hears Tyler's silent screaming. Tyler doesn't know how he heard him in the middle of this breakdown—this panic attack—because as far as Tyler knows, the only sound in the bus is that of his beating heart. But he does, and he's climbing into Tyler's bed now, quickly pulling him out of the small space. He cradles Tyler's body in his arms, but doesn't hold him as close as to suffocate him even more, and tries calming him down. "It's okay, Ty, I'm here for you, everything's okay," he says, and even though he feels like he's dying, Tyler believes him. Because with Josh, he always felt as if he was whole again. Not a puzzle that needed to be solved. Not a puzzle that missed a crucial piece into making it a whole. No, with Josh, he was already complete. Beautiful and whole. Complete.

\- • -

The divorce papers come to him in the mail along with their fans's mail and packages.

"Are those—?" Josh doesn't finish his question as he sees Tyler nod, a grim look placed on his face. "Divorce papers," Tyler mutters and runs a hand over his face and through his hair. He sits at their small dining table, and Josh stands behind him, peering over his shoulder.

"I knew Jenna was mad, I knew she didn't like how our relationship was going, I knew—" Tyler sighs and shoves the documents aside. "But I didn't know she'd take this step."

Josh purses his lips and sits at the chair in front of Tyler. "I'm sorry, Tyler," he says, even though they both know there's nothing for him to be sorry for or about, but it just felt appropriate to say it. Tyler shakes his head and sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I guess I deserved it. I've been an awful husband."

"Tyler, that's not true, you and I both know it."

"I'm not so sure about that..."

"Well, I am."

Tyler looks up at Josh, mouth slightly agape. "You're a good husband, you tried to keep your relationship with her alive despite being thousands and thousands of miles away. You tried your hardest to keep everything steady and going well, you know that. She just couldn't handle having you so far away after so long." And there it was again, Josh trying to lift his spirits up and trying to make him feel better about himself and everything he's done and does.

Tyler nodded meekly, pursing his lips as he looked down. He brought the documents back into his view and sighed again. This was going to be a long week.

\- • -

It takes almost two months for the divorce to finally be made. All of it has been able to be kept from the world and behind closed doors. Jenna and Tyler talked it out and tried to stay on friendly terms, especially so their parents and families wouldn't find out. One more problem out of the way.

After they had exited the courthouse, Tyler headed back to his hotel where he was temporarily staying at the moment with Josh. He felt oddly liberated, free. And he liked it. No, he loved it.

He entered the hotel room with a huge smile that made Josh's left eyebrow quirk up. "You okay?" He asked as Tyler strode to the extra bes in the room. "I'm more than okay," he said as he sat on the bed, the smile not leaving his face. Josh managed one of his own smiles. It'd been a long time since he'd seen Tyler smiling like that. It made him happy. So, he decided not to question and just go with it.

\- • -

His family finds out a month later about the divorce. They are not happy about it.

Tyler receives endless messages and phone calls from his parents, his siblings simply message him small texts saying things like "I hope you're doing well" and "Are you okay?". They at least seemed to care. Unlike his own parents, who, at every chance they got, bashed on him for letting a sweet, wholesome girl like Jenna go.

He tried to explain to them that his relationship with Jenna was not going well, to which they replied with hateful comments such as "You're useless at keeping relationships" and "We were expecting more from you". Did it hurt Tyler? Of course it did. But he tried to ignore that feeling that they'd cultivated in him since a young age. That feeling of uselessness and disappointment. He tried to keep it buried deep inside him. He didn't want to seem even weaker in Josh's eyes. He's already broken down various times in front of him, Josh probably thought he was only being a huge crybaby at this point.

So, here he sat on the floor of the shower, letting the water pour over him. The water from the shower covered up the tears that streamed down his face, and the horrible words his parents spewed at him resonated in his head.

He felt his limbs tremble, his lungs shiver as he took deep, shaky breaths, and his heart ache greatly.

He didn't realize that he was crying so loudly until Josh had walked into the bathroom, turned off the shower, and wrapped him up in a towel and tried to comfort him.

He felt so weak, so...useless.

And Josh's constant care-taking of him was starting to make him feel a lot less than he thought he was.

\- • -

Jealousy was nothing new to Tyler. It was like an old friend, but this time, it felt different. It was a different type of jealousy and he did not like it one bit.

It was when he saw the video of Josh kissing another guy that got him feelings this new type of jealousy. He didn't know why he was jealous. He had no reason to be.

Why would he be jealous of his best friend kissing someone? Kissing another guy, at that. There was absolutely no reason for him to be jealous about that.

Especially about the fact that the guy he was kissing was not him.

\- • -

When Tyler's feelings towards Josh began changing, after he watched that video, he started panicking.

Every time he saw Josh, his stomach churned and he felt a thousand butterflies fluttering inside his stomach. His heartbeat would speed up, and his palms would become sweaty. He became an utter nervous wreck.

And that scared Tyler.

He was scared that he'd grown to like his best friend in a way that he shouldn't. Not only was it because it was his best friend, but it was another guy. And if his parents found out about him having romantic feelings towards someone of the same sex as him, they would disown him. It wasn't a probability or a maybe, they would definitely disown him. And Tyler's been through enough to go through that.

So, he does what anyone else would have done. He ignores his feelings, burying them deep inside him, and forces them to never come out.

\- • -

His body reacts on its own, not waiting for a command from his brain. He's not in control of his own self any more, and it's frightening.

It's so frightening. Because he's inches apart from Josh, who seems to be closing the distance between them as well, and it scares Tyler.

He can't get involved with his best friend. He couldn't, it would ruin everything.

But it seemed that the universe did not care for logic or for Tyler at all. Because he was now kissing Josh Dun. And everything was ruined.

\- • -

They're dating, and Tyler's happy.

They're dating, and Josh is happy.

They're dating, and nobody knows about, and they don't care because nobody needs to know.

It's their dark little secret, and it's theirs to keep.

\- • -

Josh holds Tyler tightly in his arms, and Tyler keeps his arms wrapped around his boyfriend just as tightly.

They're both happier this way. Together, and alone in secret. The world has no time for them and they don't have time for the world. Nothing on the outside matters, and it's only what's on the inside that does.

So, as the night falls and the sun hides away, waiting for a new day, Tyler realizes that, despite all the suffering he has to put up with every day and every night of his life, he has Josh to bear through it. He realizes that Josh has always been there for him since he could remember. That Josh was the one who helped him pick up his pieces and put them together. That Josh was the _one_.

He realizes also, in Josh's strong hold, that there was nothing wrong with discovering new things about yourself and others, and that there was nothing wrong with having others fix you.

It's a tough lesson learned, and there were many more to come, but he had Josh with him, and Josh had him, so nothing was wrong, and he could one day say that he was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> this was eh
> 
> (wattpad: @/velvetfrnk)


End file.
